Mary Sue Saves Gaea With Her Pinky!
by Mullet-Revolution
Summary: A brave girl named Mary Sue, a normal girl in every aspect, finds herself transported to Gaea to save it from the evil of Zaibach. *Ch. 10: Already? Mary Sue vs Bornkirk with the Killer. A parody of fun, excitment, action, and sap. You'll laugh (or cry..)
1. The Normal Girl

Hey ya'll! We were bored and decided to make a Mary Sue fanfic. We don't want to make fun of anyone, this is just for fun. We haven't actually seen many Mary Sue's in the Escaflowne section, but hey, might as well start somewhere against the evil. We didn't spell check it just for effect, enjoy!

Disclaimer: Don't own nothin'!

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Chapter 1: The Normal Girl

Hi, my name is Mary Sue Silverboots. I live in Japan, my parents are both Japanese and quite popular throughout the whole world. The President of England [A/N: NO! We do not think that there is a president of England, that is the point] calls weekly to just catch up and talk with my Mom. Other than that, I lead a fairly normal life. I have a younger brother who I always fight with, however would kill himself for me. 

At school I'm of course the most popular girl, but at the same time I'm always feeling hurt and alone, no one understands me. Woe is me. I don't have a boyfriend cause I tell them all off, they're not good enough for me. I'm saving myself for Justin Timberlake, it's not hopeless, I got a letter. 

_[**Numair**__: Yeah… normal….. _

**_Anne: _**_My lifes just like that…]_

Anywhoo, one day a girl with cascading blond hair walked through the halls, her D cup boobs happily greeting the day and bringing joy to the young boys hearts. Her face was clear as though no zits had ever graced her skin. 

"Mary Sue-cha~~~~~~~n!"

Mary Sue fell over as her best friend, with no real signficance other than right now, Cathy Smith tackled her. Mary Sue turned to her friend, her emerald green eyes turning to her friend in surprise and seeming to laugh. 

[**_Numair: _**_Is Cathy Japanese? Where the hell are they?_

_ **Anne: **__Of course she is Japanese! But us narrow minded Americans can't grasp that!]_

"So, I hear that Bobby Rainwater wants to go out with you! You're soooo beautiful!" gushed Cathy, grabbing onto her friends arm as they continued walking to class.

"I know," chuckled Mary Sue, patting herself on the back, "I don't see how people see me as beautiful because of my tradgeic horrible life-altering past."

"Oh Mary Sue, you're so brave to continue with your life after your tradgic horrible life-altering past. I wish I could be just like you!" cried Cathy, producing a tissue out of thin air.

"Oh no Cathy! Love yourself for who you are! Always be you to the best you can be!" cried Mary Sue, her eyes shiny with determination and hope. Cathy smiled and walked into their homeroom announcing that Mary Sue HAD arrived! 

[**_Numair:_** _Thus Mary Sue didn't notice the death look appearing on Cathy's face…. _

**_Anne: _**_No! Everyone loves Mary Sue, you forget that (although she didn't notice the dagger they were going to stab her with….. _

**_Numair:_**_ eheeheeheeeheeeheee_

**_Anne:_**_ Mary Sue is a model everything, she wants you to be yourself unless you can be more like her probably…_]

Throughout the day Mary Sue amazed everyone with the being which is Mary Sue. At cooking class she amazed everyone with her cooking, making Paris chefs want to weep! Cathy however burned her food and cried like everyone else. During gym class Mary Sue was the appointed captain of the basketball team and led her team to victory. Both teams appaulded her, although they had lost the game they lost it to Mary Sue, so it was all good. The boys watched the game with hearts in their eyes wishing that Mary Sue would be their girlfriend. But she felt all so alone, woe is her.

[**_Anne:_**_ Wait… when I was in Japan guys had a different gym class….._

**_Numair:_**_ It's Mary Sue, Anne. She decides the school system.]_

She also beat up the school bully with her knowledge of karate, judo, and all that wonderful shit….

After school Mary Sue was in too many clubs to count, however was the ace person of every club. Meanwhile, Cathy couldn't do shit since Mary Sue was always better, or ELSE!

On Saturday at the party… 

[**_Numair: _**_Wait a minute… they don't get Saturday's off!_

**_Anne: _**_Well, this year they do.]_

Everyone got drunk except Mary Sue who could drink everyone under the table and still be good. 

"Hey Mary Sue! I was wondering if you wanted to wear my letterman jacket?" asked Bobby, obiviously drunk and thus **touched** Mary Sue!

"No Bobby, don't touch like that! Remember my horrible tragic life-altering past!" cried Mary Sue, tears gushing forth from her emerald green eyes.

"Oh," wept Bobby who proceeded to cry his eyes out. "I'm sorry Mary Sue, please forgive me!"

"Of course I can, I'm Mary Sue!"

"That you are!" 

[**_Numair: _**_and he proceeded to pass out._

**_Anne: _**_and he proceeded to grope her some more…]_

Mary Sue decided to leave the party since everyone was wasted, although she was the center of their universe, they perhaps could go on without her.

"Oh! No one loves me, no one CARES!" wept our heroine.

Stepping into a dark park (that rhymes!) she sat down on a bench and proceeded to have a vision.

A young boy with raven hair sat there looking off into space. He seemed lonely and sad. Suddenly, a figure steps out of the corner darkness and charges at the young man and stabs him. Blood fills the air and the raven hair hunk dies.

"Oh no! What was that! I must stop this from happening!" Mary Sue exclaimed, not considering that it might have been the booze.

Suddenly, a pillar of light appeared from no where and sucked the distressed heroine up into the night sky.

Cathy saw this and screamed Mary Sues name. The heaven wept.

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That was fun! Eheheeheeeeheee. As you can tell we are really bored and highly amused. Stay tuned for the next part in which Mary Sue will save everyone, "Gaea, a New Doom!"


	2. Gaea: A New Doom!

Eheeeheeeheee. She's baaaaaaaaaaack. You all know you missed her, I mean, she is Mary Sue and perfect, how can you NOT miss her? (Numair: Kill the cunt! **SMACK**). Down Numair! This is highly amusing to write, however we do not mean to offend anyone. Just repeat: It's just for fun. (Numair: Anne hurt herself while writing this…no more throwing her arms back while laughing…)

Disclaimer: Have you seen what we have written? Does that even seem HALF as good as the original? Let's think… Escaflowne = not ours. (sadness, yet not, cause if we made it then it would be crap). 

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Chapter 2: Gaea, a New Doom!!!

Our D cup hero gently floated to the ground and was immediately surrounded by Disney type forest critters who had come to greet her.

"I sense that I am no longer on Earth, this must be Gaea, a myseterious land I've known about since my childhood!" exclaimed our brave Mary Sue.

[**_Numair:_** _Whatever she is smoking I want some…._

**_Anne: _**_Just inserting her own little facts now, isn't she…]_

Mary Sue smiled calmly. Despite the fact that she was on another world, not knowing where she was, and without food, water, clothes, tampons, and make-up (which she really didn't need because she has Mary Sue beauty), she wasn't concerned in the least. She gathered a small little bunny in her arms gently and began to sing. Her voice was as beautiful as a babbling brook, a gentle breeze, a rainbow, and other naturally pretty shit. You get the point. 

_I'm lost_

_And confused, _

_What is a pretty girl to doooooo?_

She rose, flinging her arms out wide in the sun, forgetting about the bunny she just sent flying through the air into the prickerly bushes.

_Find my inner strength!_

_Conquer all hurdles!_

_Save this world,_

_Fall in love,_

_ and be back_

_ in time for TRL!_

"Such a beautiful song, by such a powerfully beautiful voice." Exclaimed a figure standing behind her. Of course, Mary Sue, with her superpower hearing and her ability to…"sense" things, knew he was there the whole time. She turned to see a tall blonde…**__**

****

**_[Anne:_**_ Idiot! Pimp! Male-whore!_

**_Numair:_**_ Sorry, we can't do our Allen bashing in this one…_**__**

**_Anne:_**_ NOOOOOooooo!]_

…knight standing there. 

"Allen Schezar." Mary Sue stated calmly, while flipping her blonde cascading hair over over her perfect pretty shoulder. Her emerald eyes shown in the moonlight.

**_[Anne: _**_I thought it was the middle of the day…?_

**_Numair:_**_ Uh…"Mystic Moon"light?]_

"How did you know my name, beautiful angel of the night sky?" Allen said sappily, bowing.

"I've seen the series." Mary Sue stated matter-of-factly.

"Nani?" the knight caeli inquired, puzzled.**__**

**[Anne**: Oh no, here comes the low-key Japanese insertion…****

**_Numair: _**_So?_

**_Anne: _**_Either write in all Japanese or all English! AAAARRGH!!_

**_Numair:_**_ Not everyone can speak Japanese, Miss I-Spent-A-Year-In-Japan_**__**

**_Anne:_**_ busaiku kono ama….]_

"Oh, nevermind," she said all-knowingly. She had always loved Allen the most. His honour, his class, his beauty…

**_[Numair:_**_ snigger snigger…heehee]_

Merely thinking about him and his courage was enough to get her through each horrible day of her horrible, unloved, normal existence. It was thinking of this imaginbary character that got her to live her life! HOWEVER! She could never love! How could anyone love her with such a horrible tragic life-altering past!?

Van, stepping out from the bushes after doing who knows what, was about to scold Allen for hanging around another one of his whores, but when he saw Mary Sue, her golden wheat hair shimmering in the sunlight, he concluded that she was far too beautiful to be a whore. Nay, no whore was she, but a GODDESS!

"Ah, Van de Fanel, we meet at last." Mary Sue smiled, extending a pretty hand. Van, captivated by her beauty, could only drool like an idiot.

"Come my angel of the night moon, let us return to the palace." Allen smiled, kissing her hand.

Van, snapping out of his stupor, glanced at Allen warningly, "But Allen…

**_[Numair:_**_ "…why am I such a puss all the sudden?"]_

…what about the DOUS's?"

"Dragons Of Unusual Size? I don't they exist."

ROAR! A giant BEAST dragon leapt at them from the forest, fangs bared.

**_[Anne: _**_Copying humor from other movies, classic.]_

Looking up they could see Hitmoi in one of its tenticals. 

**_[Numair: _**_Wait, dragons don't have tentacles…_

**_Anne: _**_Shhhhhhh…..]_

Van couldn't attack because of Hitmoi but rather wept silent tears of frusteration. Allen pulled out his sword and attacked but was quickly knocked aside.

Mary Sue, calm and brave as ever, grabbed her magical sword and usuing her elven powers blew it to smitherinees. 

**_[Anne:~ raises eyebrows~ _**_Elven powers?_

**_Numair: _**_Lord of the Rings influence baby.]_

The two males stared in wonder at the beauteous creature, standing there panting slightly from the effort, her D cup boobs raising gently. 

"Are you hurt!?" gushed Allen, running forth and holding her hands.

"I'm fine." Whispered Mary Sue bravely then passed out. She had a dagger in her back.

**_[Numair: _**_What the hell_**_?]_**

****

Allen picked her up delicately and they hurried back to the palace.

Elsewhere, evil eyes watched.

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That certainly was interesting…. Mary Sue is our hero (snicker snicker, har har). These stories are kind of turning out like Mystery Science Theater stories…. Ah well! Anne actually says, "Wept silent tears of frustration" when she is annoyed/sad. Just thought you should know that…

Stay tuned for the next action packed chapter called, "Coming to Terms."


	3. Coming to Terms

eheeeheeeheee, yet another chapter, this is wonderful. We were actually stuck for a day, then we figured out something plotless and decided to write some more to Mary Sue (took a good two minutes). Any ideas equal good ideas, so yeah, make suggestions in the review and we will probably use it (even if it doesn't make sense). Thanks and enjoy!!

Disclaimer: We do not own Escaflowne, sad as that is. Also, Mary Sue is _technically_ not ours cause we based her off of many fanfictions. However, her stupidity is ours. We also own ourselves (Numair: We do?). 

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Chapter 3: Coming To Terms

Our volumtous breasted heroine slowly opened her emerald green eyes, blinking at the sudden light which had hit her eyes. Sitting up slightly, she noticed that she had been changed and she was no longer in the forest.

"I must be in the Fanelian castle," whispered Mary Sue, "I reconginze the woodwork."

[**_Numair:_** Even though its a brand-new castle, we won't mention that]

"I see that my night angel has awoken," smirked a voice.

Mary Sue turned around to find a siloutette in the doorway, long hair blowing in the breeze. Sunlight poured forth as the figure marched forward, kneeling beside her bed.

"Allen-san," mutted Mary Sue, reaching out a hand to touch him, thinking that perhaps it was another vision.

"Don't move, love, you got a bad owie," cooed Allen, putting his hand upon her face...

[**_Anne:_** eheeheeeheee, Allen is stupid...

****

Numair: Knock it off! I won't let you write Allen parts if you keep this up!

****

Anne: *whimper***]**

"Don't move, love, you are seriously injured," corrected Allen, glaring at Anne while removing Mary Sue's bra...

[**_Numair: _**ANNE! *yanks keyboard away and starts typing*]

...while taking her hand in his own. She felt weak, and lay back against the soft downy pillows. Glancing up at the ceiling, she pondered last chapter's events. Where had that mysterious power come from? All she could recall was the determination to save Allen and Van, and then...

Stabbing pain shot through her. She bit her lip in attempt not to cry out, but could not hold back her tears. Mary Sue didn't want Allen to see her so weak like this!

Too bad. Allen reached out and gently turned her head to face him.

"It's all right, let it all out." Allen whispered kindly. His blue eyes sparkled with warmth, deep pools of love and honour and other crap. Mary Sue felt...

**__**

[Anne: (from floor) "...bile rise in her throat"]

...and puked all over Allen! I mean...shut up Anne! Ahem...a sudden feeling in her wounded chest. This feeling spread all through her being, making her gasp with sudden realization. Could this be love?

Allen leaned forward slightly, and she reached up, her slim arms wrapping around his neck. Their lips were only a breath apart when...

"No!" gasped Mary Sue, pushing him away slightly. "I can't Allen." She was such a fool! How could she, a person with such a horrible tragic life-altering past ever know love!?

"What is it my love?" Allen said, anguish, hurt, and all sorts of other adjectives in his voice.

"N-nothing..." she replied, turning her head away.

"I know your hiding something from me, Mary Sue." he said softly.

[**_Anne:_** oh yeah, they've known each other for a whole two minutes, but he can 'tell'

]

She was silent a moment, hiding her tear stained face in the pillow. How could he? He was so cruel! "No...it's nothing..."

"All right. But remember Mary Sue, if you have a problem, you can always come to me. I'll always be here for you."

They then proceeded to _scrump like bunnies_!

[**_Anne: _**NUMAIR! *yanks keyboard back*

****

Numair: eheeheeheeeee]

The scene changes to the garden of the palace (since Anne and Numair seem to enjoy doing bad things to Allen...). Van practices his sword skills while Merle watchs. Van finds that when he practiced his sword skills he left all the wordly problems behind.

"Van-sama, daijoubu?"

[**_Anne: _**arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh.

****

Numair: You wrote it.

****

Anne: I'm making a point!]

"Oh, Merle, I didn't see you there," Van said, stopping from playing with sharp objects for two minutes.

"You haven't seemed like yourself lately, Van-sama!" purred Merle, rubbing up against his shin.

"Oh Merle, I've just felt so lonely lately... I mean, with all that has happened..." Van started then turned away, hurt.

"What about Hitomi?"   
DING.

"Oh yeah, where is Hitomi?" said Van casually, completely forgetting about what happened to her yesterday.

"Perhaps we should go look for her," started Merle, looking up at Van with concerned filled eyes. After all that they had been through they deserved some happiness. Although at first she had not trusted the girl from the mystic moon, slowly she had developed a friendship with her. Now she felt as though Hitomi were a long lost sister, much like Van felt like a brother. I mean, they had grown up together and all. Van was her first crush, silly puppy love almost. Chuckling, Merle mentally corrected herself, _kitten_ love. When her parents had died, hit by a fruit truck, it has left her scarred for life. She had been all alone, fearing fruit in all shapes and sizes (hence she distusted Allen), but then a light shone suddenly into her dark existance. She had met Van. Although at first they were only friends, she developed a crush on him with the development of puberty. Once, when she was....

[**_Numair: _***coughs* Too long...]

"I'm sure she'll show up eventually." Van said dismissingly. "Shall we go have lunch?"

"Yay!" exclaimed Merle, latching herself onto his arm, forgetting Hitomi completely.

Elsewhere Hitomi dragged her bloody form through the forest.

"I'm sure that everyone is really worried.... I blacked out for awhile there, probably from hitting that tree. Something must of happened to Van and the others," whispered Hitomi, coughing up blood. 

A twig snapped behind her. Turning around, she heard wolves howl.

Elsewhere, in a dark corner of an evil room in the darkest corner someone coughed.

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dun dun dun! That was soooooo..... stupid. Had to add the romance, also had to ... *pauses* What are we _listening_ to? (Numair: Shmarya and his wonderful song Nekadesh!).... yeah... tease the idea that whenever Van and Hitomi are together you can't get them apart with a steel rod. Basically, we made fun of all romance in general. Sorry to those who write romance fics.... it was all Numair *points finger* (Numair: HEY! *insulted*). 

Stay tuned for the next chapter, "The Pyro's New Toy."


	4. The Pyro's New Toy

Hey there again. School started, that sucks. Bah!!! Chapter 3 is actually on Numair's computer, but that's okay, we don't need to follow anything for this story. It's a Mary Sue! Anywhooo, from the pressues of our _many_ classes (Anne= 2; Numair=3)…. Hey! We have college classes later! Grr. Erm, yeah, Michelle got to actually see us writing this, any comments for the readers: "This was the most frightening experience of my life. Just kidding, but it was very educational…" Thank you Michelle.

Disclaimer: There was an old man in a shoe… wait… he was in a fate-alteration machine.. wait.. yeah, that's it. (ponders this a minute). Erm, we don't own Escaflowne.

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Chapter 4 – The Pyro's New Toy

In the darkness a figure walked. He had been walking for a long time. Boy, did his feet hurt. But in a way, they didn't. Why? Because he's DEAD. Yup, it's Folkie. That's all there really is to it everyone, he's just dead.

Or is he….?

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Meanwhile back in Austuria…

Our big boobed heroine was somewhere, however the current scene does not require her.

Van looked around the room wildly, "What the hell….?"

"Oh, Hello Fanelia, how are you today?" asked King Aston, a smile appearing on his wrinkled face. "We need to be in an alliance."

"Okay…" Van said looking up at the authors with raised eyebrows.

**[Numair: **_Now I'm lost…_

**Anne: **_*grumble* $99 for a friggin' calculator…_

**Numair: **_There there, I have to get one too…_**]**

"Good morning Van and King Aston!" greeted Mary Sue, miraciously healed after a refreshing night of sleep. 

**[Numair: **_Yeah… heehee. I bet_**]**

Meanwhile, the wolves were closing in on Hitomi. 

"I believe Van will come and save me!" whimpered Hitomi, coughing up more blood while grabbing her blood stained pendant. 

In Austuria Van sneezed.

The leader of the pack came to Hitomi, "I'm sorry my child, but my pack is very hungry and you are looking rather tasty right now."

Hitomi's eyes widened in fear. Could this be the end of Hitomi Kanzaki? After all this time, after all that it had taken for Van and her to be together again, they would have to die apart. No, she thought with tears appearing in her shining emerald green orbs eyes, she couldn't give up! She had to live, _for Van!_ Sucking up a breath of air, despite the pain in her punctured lungs, she looked bravely at the leader.

"No Zira! I can't die, Van NEEDS me!" gasped Hitomi.

"Well then, where is he?" asked Zira, grabbing the ketchup.

Hitomi pondered that for a minute.

Back in Austuria Van was putting the moves on Mary Sue.

"You know, I went to the Mystic Moon once," Van stated proudly, puffing up his scrawny chest…

[**Anne: **_NUMAIR! ~SMACK~ Cut the whole last scene you heartless pimp._

**Numair: **_I like vanilla… ~pauses~ VAN-nilla! Get it!!_

**Anne: **_~sigh~ Wish I didn't… and whats this with the talking wolf?_

**Numair:**_ YOU wrote that, I think you said something about 'people always making animals talk…grr'_]

Back to the life and death situation.

Hitomi was eaten, the end. NUMAIR! ~SMACK~ Hitomi found some courage deep within her chest, although one of the lions was chewing on her leg. However, she couldn't find the courage within, cause face facts, Mary Sue had taken it all.

"GOSH DAMN IT!"

Back in Austuria . . . 

"Mary Sue! My night angel of the sky, where are you!?" called Allen, ignoring the Scooby Doo theme, walking around in circles, throughlyu confused. "I think I'm going to have to lock her up in a birdcage afterall." He laughed, patting himself on the back.

"Allen! Here I am!" cried Mary Sue, appearing from around a bush, smiling. However, she tripped over a stone opening up the wound on her leg. "Ugggh!" she cried out in anguish.

"MARY :SUE! My love, are you HURT?!" gushed Allen, running to her side and bending down to pick her up…

[**Anne: **_which causes his back to break and he dies. The end.]_

in his warm and loving embrace. But brave, wonderful, beauteous, but oh-so tragic heroine managed to wince away the pain and rose to her feet.

"Don't worry about me Allen, I have the inner strength within," smiled Mary Sue, closing one eye to hold in the pain.

"Oh Mary Sue, you are a role model to everyone," said Van, appearing from somewhere.

"That she is," chuckled Allen, laughing while the whole rest of the cast appeared to applaude Mary Sue (except Hitomi). 

Speaking of Hitomi….

The bones baked in the sun…. 

[**Numair: **_I said don't write that!!!_

**Anne: **_eheheee… we seriously love her, yet….]_

Back in Austuria the whole gang sat around eating dinner, a big feast honoring Mary Sue and her bravery, and oh yeah, something about a marriage or something…?

"So, Mary Sue, what is that mysterious pendant around your neck?" questioned Millernia, green cabbage stuck between her teeth.

"Oh, this? My grandpa gave it to me, it's suppose to help me with all my problems I will fiace in my life," stated Mary Sue, grabbing the pendant from under her shirt, smiling at the blue orb.

"Gee whiz Mary Sue, you sure are jiffy, or great!" laughed Chid, straightening his overalls while punching Mary Sue on the arm slightly.

"Oh Allen, your son is so cute!" gushed Mary Sue, glomping the poor innocent Chid.

"We're not suppose to talk about that.." whispered Allen looking over at King Aston and the Duke of Fried…. Who died but… he's back!!! 

"Oh, I KNOW that, geez!" laughed Mary Sue, everyone joining in in the mouth opening wide laughter fashion.

"Mary Sue, let's go shopping tomorrow!!!" pipped Merle, squealing like a little school girl. 

Merle really enjoyed shopping. It reminded her of the time when her parents had taken her on a trip to another country and they had to steal money in order to get home. Yeah, those were the good old days. Mice tasted better then, before the plague and all. That's what killed her parents, well, actually, it drove them crazy enough to get hit by a fruit truck. Yeah, shopping, it reminded her of when her parents had taken her on a trip to another country. Yeah, she sure missed her parents, what with them dieing and leaving her alone in the world, no money since her parents were prostitutes. And her siblings would participate in kitty porn. But you know, cats don't only have one kitten, geez! She wondered whatever happened to her siblings, Berle, Derle, Ferle, Gerle….

[**Numair: **_Too long!!]_

Anyway…

"Mary Sue, how is your head injury?" inquired Gaddess, looking at her with concerned filled eyes, for he was falling in love with her. But, he could never take his best friends girl away… or could he?

"Oh, I'm totally like fine!" gushed Mary Sue, thoroughly liking the word gushed.

"Well, that's fine and dandy, let's go to bed, it's already nine o'clock!" said Allen, extending his arm for Mary Sue.

"Yeah, I'm going on the roof to play with swords and brood over life," said Van, getting up and being anti-social.

"I'm going to stalk Lord Van," Merle said bounding after him.

"And I'm going to look at myself in the mirror," stated Millernia, ignoring Dryden.

"And I'm going to go up to my room where I am undoubtly going to be kidnapped by the dark forces of the rebirth of Zaibach. Goodnight!" beamed Mary Sue, her boobs bouncing as she waved goodnight.

"Goodnight Mary Sue, sleep tight!" they all chimed on cue, turning their head slightly to the left.

Meanwhile, in the outskirts of town a dark figure made his way through the night… towards the castle… yeah.

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Wow, that was some great stuff… cough. Yeah, school made us non-creative *shakes fists* Oh well, it's not like this story involves much of a plot, it's a Mary Sue for goodness sake. So, yeah, review and leave funny comments to make us laugh! (we loved the comment, GET ON IT YA LAZY BUMS! Or something along those lines, that made us laugh). We dedicate this one to you, you creative reviewer who made us laugh! Force be with you too! (and we also say hey to the others, we love you too, we love you all (because Mary Sue gives us that inner strength)).

Next chapter: "Fluff and Flowers."


	5. Fluff and Flowers

We're back by popular demand (cough), yes, that's right, its US! Dun dun DUN! We hit a creative spout (i.e. we went to the store and played on carts) and got many ideas. Anne's typos are hilarious; Numair couldn't stop laughing for five minutes. -_-; We dedicate this one to the person who wrote a review to us. Thanks!

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Chapter 5 – Fluff and Flowers

Mary Sue sighed contently, her big boobs jigglying merrily in a current of wind, laying back against her pillow. The bedposts,, lavishing a deep magenta curtain, rose over ten feet. A cheery fireplace burned with an image of a gypsy, but that's a differenty story altogether. A plush carpet of pink tickled her toes. Basically, the room looked like like a four year old feminist Barbie obsessed's paradise. Something we obviously wouldn't know about.

"There you are," Allen smiled, "all snuggly-wuggly—"

**[Numair:**_ ANNE! (smack!)]_

"There," corrected Allen, "Are you all snuggly-wug—"

SMACK! Outta the way! Ahem…

"There," grumbled Allen, a little dizzy, "are you comfortable?"

Brave Mary Sue looked at the ceiling, pretending to be disinterested. "Oh, no, I'm fine," she assured, her perfect teeth chattering.

"GASP! No you're not, my angel of the night sky! You're a little cold, my love!" gushed Allen, reaching down and huggin the living daylights of Mary Sue. However, since she is strong, she wasn't even ruffled.

"Oh no, don't bother yourself," Mary Sue said, turning away, wrapping her puffy Eskimo jacket around her volumtious form.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me," chuckled Allen, patting her on the head.

"Well, I'm slightly cold," pouted (SMACK) whimpered (BANG) whispered Mary Sue, touching her head injury slightly.

"My poor baby!" pouted Allen…

[**Numair: **_I'm tiring of you Annie, out of my way._

**Anne: **_I will spread the truth! Let it be known! ( babbles like idiot)]_

"Hold on!" he cried, shaking her as a spotlight appeared on him, "I'll go get you something, my angel of the night sky." And with that, the Knight Caeli swiftly uh…left.

"Van!" Allen shouted, kicking the boy king in the ribs.

"What…is…IT!?" Van snarled from his blanket in the corner, on the floor.

"I need your blanket."

"Fuck off! This is all I got!" the young monarch snapped.

"Mary Sue is cold." Explained Allen patiently, forgiving Van who did not understand the gravity of the situation.

Van hesitated, then sighed heavily. "Fine, for Mary Sue." He smiled weakly, handing his only blanket over.

Allen took it and smiled in thanks. "She needs your shirt too."

"What!?"

"The authors demand it."

**[Both**_: Ehehheeeeheeeheeeeee (claps hands)_]

Van muttered a few colorful adjectives and handed it over. "You guys are hentais."

**[Anne:**_ AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_****

**Numair:**_ You like that Annie? Especially since there is no plural like that in Japanese?_

**Anne: **_AAAAARRRRRRR! (strangles Numair)_**]**

"Fine then," Van muttered, shivering and shirtless in the corner, "I'll just sit here and DIE of hypothermia."

"You do that," Allen replied, ignoring him completely as he walked away and thoughts of Mary Sue danced around in his perverte—(smack!) his head. "Have fun Van!"

Van sat there shivering and began to cough and wheeze.

"Mary Sue~~! My angel of the night sky!" shouted Allen, waking up half the castle in the process. "I've found you a blankie, and this nice vest!"

"Isn't that Van's?"

"….No….. it only looks like Van's…."

"Thank you Allen!" smiled Mary Sue, giving one of her blindly brilliant smiles. "Goondnight then!"

"Nighty Night!" cooed Allen.

[**Numair: **_This is so OOC its not even funny…_

**Anne: **_Shows his limited intelligence, THAT's how it's in character!_]

Allen left the room patting himself on the back. He had finally found his soulmate, someone who he would never let go of. All the people that he ever cared about always seemed to die…. However, that was nothing compared to the pain Mary Sue was suffering! [Mary Sue Rule #2: No one suffers more then the Mary Sue, NO ONE] He would have to find a way to comfort her.

Meanwhile, Mary Sue slowly climbed into bed. Removing her clothes, cause for some unknown reason Mary Sue's always sleep in the nude, she climbed under the pink ruffly covers.

"Goodnight sky! Goodnight moon!" smiled Mary Sue, her emerald eyes growing weary from all the activities of the day.

~~~ Mary Sue Dream Sequence~~~

[**Both: **_(run away screaming, nothing is typed for the next twenty minutes)]_

_ "Mary Sue~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!"_

_ Mary Sue turned around to find her best friend, Veronica Jones, from Osaka, stood waiting for her outside the classroom. _

_ "Hurry up ya'll, we're goin' to be late for class!" huffed Veronica Jones from Osaka, carrying Mary Sue and her bags towards their second period class._

_ "Just a minute, I think I was having a VISION," stated Mary Sue, getting up from sleeping on the floor._

"So, how was track practice yesterday? I mean, I hiear that Joey Riverwater wants to kiss you!" squealed Veronica Jones from Osaka, latching herself onto Mary Sue's left arm.

"Oh no, don't say that!" blushed Mary Sue, with the constant thought of her horrible tragic life-altering past in mind.

"Let's go have some cake at that new store!" suggested Veronica Jones from Osaka, bending down and tieing her shoes.

"Okay!" laughed Mary Sue, grabbing her friends arm as the two skipped away towards the sunset with freaky Disney animals and flowers smiling on, past the teacher.

"Where are those two going…?" questioned the teacher, obviously confused and not understanding Mary Sue makes the school system.

***********

"Wow, this apple pie sure tastes danky, ya know!" cried Veronica Jones from Osaka, eating her tenth piece of pie.

"I know, it's simply divine," giggled Mary Sue, spinning her fork around lazily.

"It's nothing compared to your apple pie though, ya know!" gushed Veronica Jones from Osaka, a piece of apple danglying from between her teeth.

"Well, look you we've got 'er."

Both girls turned around to the voice they obviously didn't recognize for some unknown reason. It was Joey Riverwater from Hokkaido [where in Hokkaido? No one knows anything about it, so it doesn't matter!!], his lush blond locks falling gently over his blue crystal clear eyes.

"Oh Joey! What a ca-winky-dink!" girl-giggled Veronica Jones from Osaka.

[**Numair: **Come on, are we this narrow minded?!

**Anne: **Yup.]

"So, heh, Mary Sue, how's that… uh… homework goin'?" babbled Joey Riverwater, staring at Mary Sue's boobs.

"Wow, these are the best of times, the worse of times."

With that Mary Sue was transported (or something…) to a dream of her house….

"Mommy-kins, I'm home!" laughed Mary Sue throwing her bag down and running to the kitchen, "Where are the crumpets?"

[**Numair: **… she's British now?

**Anne: **Just wait, there is more good stuff coming.]

"Oh, there you are Mary Sue-chan, Ut'na," smiled Mommy-kins, grabbing the coffee from the table.

_ "Mom, today at school I god'n A!" smiled Mary Sue, producing a paper from her bag._

**[Numair: **_What the heck is this?_

**Anne: **_Our dialect._

**Numair: **_We have an accent?_

**Anne: **_Yes, say 'Utena'_

**Numair: **_Ut'na._

**Anne: **_See, we drop sounds and pick up other people's accents._]

_"Oh, there are you Mary Sue! I didn't hear you come in, ha ha ha ha ha!" chuckled her Father, a man who stood tall with handsome feaaturs with slightly graying hair._

_ "Oh Mary Sue, you look swell!" laughed her kid brother, Richy, who had appeared in the room carrying a model airplane, "Isn't this plane swell! Dad's helpin' me make it! Ha ha ha ha!"_

_ "Family, it's time for dinner!" smiled the mother walking into the familyroom with her big hair and apron._

_ "Mommy, there's a rocket lauch on the tevelision tonight, can we watch it with our new color tv? I just godda see it!" asked little Ricky, his little sweater vest standing out sharply._

_ "That sounds danky, son! Ha ha ha ha ha!" laughed Mr. Silverboots._

_ "Ha ha ha ha ha!" laughed the family, sitting down, Mary Sue smoothing out her poodle skirt._

[**Numair: **_What the heck?_

**Anne: **_eheehee, we got in the mood when looking at my Mommy's yearbook!]_

Since the authors fear loosing their dinners, they decide to move along with dream….

_As Mary Sue ate her TV dinner while watching the rocket launch, her family close by and smiling with apricot delight. _

_ "Houston, we've got lift off," came central command… dudes.._

_ "Wow, this sure is swell, ha ha ha ha ha!" laughed little Richy, her combed hair glistening in the moonlight._

_ "Sure is danky son, ha ha ha ha ha!" laughed Mr. Silverboots._

_ Mary Sue turned and smiled lovingly, a perfect normal life. Suddenly, a SCREAM filled the air. Turning away from looking at herself in the mirror, she found her family melted in a hopeless puddle of goo. The house was erupted in flames about her._

_ "NOOOOOOOOooooooooooo!" proclaimed Mary Sue, with dramatic music appearing as she ran down the beach in a a Baywatch fashion. Her boobs danced up and down with delight. _

_ "There you are, ahahahahaha!" _

_ Turning around, Mary Sue found an albaino youth standing at the other end of the movie theater. _

_ "Dilandau, I bet," she said, turning moving her shoulders around seductively._

_ "Ya bet your brithes, bitch," cackled the albanio, pulling out a set of knives._

_ "I'm not afraid of you, Dilandau!" cried brave Mary Sue, courage radiateing from her lithe form. _

_ "Well, you're dumb," replied Dilandau, stabbing with a sword and hacking her into little itty bitty Mary Sue pieces. He then proceeded to gather them up, the sorcerers would enjoy dinner tonight._

_[_**Both: **_Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]_

_~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~_

"NOOOOOOoooooO!" screamed our brave Mary Sue, lertching forward in a cold sweat. That dream, again, of Dilandau. Could it be telling her something?

She often dreamed of Dilandau, they had a lot in common…

[**Numair: **_Like what?]_

They're both he-shes? Shut up Numair! Look what you made me write! Ahem… His wild nature, and blah blah blah! And… um… blah blah blah. (Numair: Let me type…). Noooo. (Numair: (takes keyboard away)). 

But it was just a dream, nothing more. Or was it?

Was it a dream? Or maybe a vision? Or maybe a ripoff of the series? No, it _was_ real.

"HELL YEAH!!!" 

Two white hands shot out of the darkness and grabbed her slim neck, squeezing…

**[Both:**_ Crush her throat! Crush her throat!_]

The insane Albino had come to life! Tears welled up in her sapphire eyes, no, it couldn't end like this! She couldn't leave everyone alone! But then, would anyone miss her? Allen, Van, the completely forgotten Hitomi, and little Chidy Temple (coming soon!), would they miss her? No, they didn't need her, especially one so filthy, with her horrible tragic life-altering past!

Her vision darkened as the oxygen level in her brain ran dead and she lost all brain power…we shouldn't right that, should we? No? Okay, fine…Her throat, crushed under the awesome power wich is Dilandau.

"Sayanara, Bitch!"

**[Both:**_ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGGGHHHH!!!!!! SPELLING!!!!!!_]

"No…" garbled Mary Sue, "I know there's good in you yet, I felt it…"

Dilandau grinned insanely, but then, her beauty, her aura…

**[Both:** NO DILANDAU!! RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!!!!!_]_

And yet, there was a glimmer of…

[**Both**_: NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!_]

{To be continued}

"See ya next time!" waved little Chidy, winking at the camera.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~

We feel dirty… we had the parents laugh so much… Anne was highly amused when Numair laughed (he does this funny thing with his jaw). Our friend commented you can't catch half the humor we do the first time you read it… just notice the changes, trust us. 

Stay tuned for the next action packed chapter, "Broken Promises"

Numair: ha ha ha ha ha ha!


	6. Broken Promises

It's SUPER ANNE! Doo doo doo!!! *flies around room* (Numair: …. Have fun at soccer today?). Dooo dooo dooo!!! 

Disclaimer: (whimpers as lawyers continue beat down upon them), we're sorry, we're sorry, we're sorry!!!!! You're right, it's not ours!!!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~******~*~*~**~*

Chapter 6: Broken Promises

Gaddess walked into the room wearing an expensive tuxedo carrying a cocktail, looking quite sharp. Turning towards the camera, he smiled charmingly with a lopsided smile.

"Welcome back ladies and gentlemen, I quite hope that you have enjoyed the fic thus far," Gaddess began with a horrible historian accent. "The authors wish that I will review the past events with you in order to fully understand, appreate, to take up room, what has happened in Mary Sue thus far."

Turning around, Gaddess looked over his shoulder at camera number two, "Our heroine, Mary Sue Silverboots, likes chocolate. Other than that, she had been transported into this mysertious world, otherwise known as Venus, NO! Gaea my friends! 

She overcame horrible stuff when first appearing on this planet. Visiously attacked by a shark, just like in that wonderful classic _Jaws_, which many years ago was quite popular and gave people a mortal fear of water. But just when you thought that it was safe to go into the water, out came _Jaws 2_, which was not quite as good as the original _Jaws_, but then again, only true classics like this Mary Sue can truly make the people want more."

Smiling and sipping his cocktail, Gaddess turned back to camera one, "With the horrible wound on her back, knee, head, feet, whatever, hell, she was a mess, our heroine, not to be confused with the drug, was taken to the castle of the wonderful, marvelous, super guy King Van de Fanel, with the sidekick Allen. Yes, Allen is the side kick, his fighting skills can not match the wonderful Van de Fanel, which the authors are quite fond of. 

However, Mary Sue made a quick, yet horribly painful recovery, thanks to the help of her new Gaea friends. Meanwhile, Hitomi vanished. At the castle, things were looking grim. For one thing, they were now in Austuria, home of fine wine, cooking, and bowling. Bowling dates back to the day of war. Soldiers were recordeded to be seen rolling heads of enemies against hacked off limbs. 

In the last chapter, Dilandau had found his way into Mary Sue's chamber and was strangeling the living daylights out of her. It seems that Zaibach is back, cause who _else_ could it be? Only Zaibach seemed to be evil in the series, nevermind when fate was altered and alliances were broken revealing that all men are evil. But no, Zaibach reigns supreme.

Now, to continue with this action packed Mary Sue, will Mary Sue discover the good within Dilandau? And will Dilandau let his feelings of love which are developing uncharactistcally towards Mary Sue? Stay tune and read this wonderful classic, Mary Sue, Broken Promises. Goodnight ladies and gentlemen, and Godspeed." 

With that Gaddess, finished his cocktail as the spotlights dimmed and wording appearing on the screen, 'the more you know.'

~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*

[**Numair: **_Annie… what the hell was that?_

**Anne: **_Me with a delightfully delicious historian acceunt._

**Numair: **_Funny but drop it._]

Dilandau loosened his grip upon the wonderfully brave Mary Sue.

"I can't do it!" cried Dilandau, turning away from Mary Sue, unable to look at her beauty, 'What is this feeling in my heart?'

[**Both: **_Damn, she got to him…_]

"Dilandau?" asked Mary Sue, her amethyst eyes sparking with tears, "Are you okay?"

"Mary Sue, I thank you for finding the good within me, you freed me!" cried Dilandau, still unable to look at her. (A/N: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH). 

"It's okay Dilandau, just let it all out," smiled Mary Sue, patting him on the shoulder. Turning around, Mary Sue found tears wetting his eyes.

With that, Dilandau burst out crying.

"Boo hoo!" cried Dilandau, hugging Mary Sue. "I've been a bad boy!"

Mary Sue hugged Dilandau tighter letting him let loose the tears which he had held inside for so many years. 

[**Numair: **_(Dilandau) hahaa! Fooled you! Prepare to DIE! (kills her)_

**Anne: **_NUMAIR! (although I wish that was true…)_]

Dilandau cried for a good hour. Tears which flowed freely, finally, from his red eyes. The Zaibach people had taken his soul, made him suffer, turned him into a freak. He had hurt so many people, he regretted each killing.

[**Numair: **_(on floor laughing) I can't believe you can write this shit Annie!_

**Anne: **_I know, it's taking a lot of effort to think opposite from his character…_]

Finally, Dilandau found that he had shed his last tear. Looking up, he noticed that, in his tearfest, the sheets had slipped down off Mary Sue's volumptious form. Blushing, he pushed her away.

"Um…do you always…" he began, blushing furiously.

"Sleep in the nude? Yes." Mary sue smiled, batting her long beautiful eyeleashes, "I feel it makes me free."

"…oh…" he said slowly, feeling his (censored) (censor).

A/N: Sorry, there is no more NC17 on this site. So, we're keeping it PG13. Sorry for the inconvenience. Godspeed.

Reaching out a (censored) hand, he hesitated. Mary Sue (censored) it and layed in on her heart. Her white, beautiful (censored) was soft and warm. Heat surged through his very being, his (censored) (censored) growing (censored). He pressed her to him, and she could feel his (censored) (censored) her. Pressing their mouths together hungrily, yearning for each other with all their souls. 

"Dilandau," she gasped as they paused for air, "I've loved you ever since the first moment we met!"

"I, too, have loved thee since long time past!" 

She silenced him with her lips, darting her (censored) (censored) his (censored), (censored) about hungrily, tasting him. Her hands flew over his back, unstrapping his armor. Sweating, he lifted her up in his strong arms and they (censored) onto the (censored) bed. 

Leaving a trail of butterfly (censored) down his (censored) (censored), she began to undo his belt. 

(censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored). (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored)!! (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored)!!!!!!!!!

Dilandau moaned in pleasure as Mary Sue (censored) out the sweet, thick (censored). (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored). (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored). (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored).

"Oh Dilandau!" she cried, clinging to him, "(censored) me (censored)!"

"Yeah! Who's your (censored) (censored)!"

(censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored)!!!!!!! (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored)! (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored)!!!!

"That was great," Dilandau said, a cigarette in his mouth as the two lay together, finally one.

[**Numair: **_(in corner vomiting) I feel so dirty! Mary Sue…nudy…ARGH! Godda go kill myself…_

**Anne:**_ You do that Numair. I had to censor it._

**Numair: **_NEVER make me do that again!!! Especially not with you laughing at me!_]

Mary Sue yanked the cigarette out of his mouth, "Dilandau, there are children reading this story, we don't want to set a bad example."

Dilandau looks up at previous paragraph, "…."

Mary Sue turned away from his, pulling herself gently out of his arms. "I feel so bad, what did I just do? I only thought of myself, not of you or Allen."

"What does that pansy have to do with it?" asked Dilandau, rolling his eyes.

"I fear that my heart belongs to Allen, but I also love you…" whispered Mary Sue, unable to face her beloved.

"I will make you mine, my love," declared Dilandau, taking her in his arms and kissing the top of head.

The two proceeded to kiss some more and fell asleep, since Numair is traumatized right now. 

~_~_~~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~__~_~_~_~_~_~_~~_~_

"Finally… here…" coughed Hitomi, dragging her body through the dirt and finally making it to the palace.

"Who goes there!?" demanded Guard C, kicking her in the ribs.

"It's me, Hitomi Kanzaki, betrothen to the king!" declared Hitomi, coughing up more blood on his boots.

"You WENCH! That is what everyone says!!" screamed Guard C, pulling her up by the hair, "May you pay for your sin in the dundgon with rats!!!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo!!!!!!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~

Okay, that was a short and interesting. Numair is feeling sick (from writing that scene) (Numair: BLECCCK!!!) so we decided to end there. :p We just want to say that we support fanfiction.net in their decision. I mean, it is their site and they work very hard to keep it up *dodges fruit*. (Numair: There ARE good NC-17s out there) *Glares* You are taking away from the point… It is a privilege, not a right to have stuff here *dodges more fruit* (Numair: So if you are going to petition, do it nicely!). You are not getting it. -_-;

Stay Tuned For the Next Action-packed Chapter, "Vengeance!"


	7. Vengeance

Numair is currently bitching about Mary Sue's conveniently ( BITE ME!! (Numair: Spell check)) forgetting this is one. (Numair: Yes, but this is a parody, so it's okay). Sure Numair… keep dreaming big.

Disclaimer: SPELL THIS!!!! *flips-off computer*

~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~~**~*~*~*~

Chapter 7: **Vengeance**

"Duh, Chid, how do you spell 'the'?" asked the brilliant Knight Allen. 

"How do you think it is spelled?" sighed the wonderful Chid, annoyed with Allen and his spelling questions. It had been like this all day, Allen was writing a love letter to his beloved Mary Sue, and was having some difficult times.

"Um…. 't-h-a'?" chuckled the Knight, obviously impressed with his own intelligence.

"Erm… sure, whatever you want…"

[**Numair: **_ANNIE! There is no purpose to that scene!!!!!_

**Anne: **_Spell check sucks. It proves how stupid Allen is….]_

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!" screeched Merle, bolting into the room, tears falling out of her eyes like a broken faucet. "AAAAAHHH!!!! VAN-SAMA'S DEAD!"

[**Both:**_ WHAT?!_]

Allen froze as he remembered taking Van's blanket and leaving him to freeze. He played dumb (which was not hard.)

"Why are you looking at me? It was the author's idea," laughed Allen uneasily, looking at the audience for support.

"What?" screamed Anne, insulted. "It was your own stupid fault!"

"You told me too!!" creid Allen, tears of frusteration flowing down his… face.

"I did not."

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!!!!!!!!!!"

"You suck."

"VAN-SAMA'S DEAD!!!" Merle screamed, breaking up the fight between the author and Allen. Allen could no longer contain himself, this was too perfect. A smile slowly spread across his face when suddenly…

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Van died! The authors let Van die!" shrieked Allen, falling to the ground while grabbing his sides, trying to keep his ribs from breaking from the laugher.

"That's it!" cried Numair, appearing suddenly.

_BOOM!_

Allen pieces flew everywhere.

[**Anne:**_ HAHAHAHA…! I mean, NUMAIR! Look what you did!]_

"I'm sorry! I got mad!" Numair wailed pitifully, wiping Allen guts away.

[**Anne:**_ (bangs head on desk) Ow…Now we have to put him back together!_]

"Says who?"

"Our conscience, that damned thing…" Anne muttered, kicking Numair.

"Bitch."

"Ano…sumimasen…" Merle piped.

"Low key Japanese!" Anne cried, pointing accusingly to the distraught cat-girl.

"Annie, we don't have time for this!" Numair snapped, pulling Anne back from murdering the poor real character.

"Fine then," Anne said, "You put the pansy back together and I'll go resurrect Van."

"How come you get to resurrect Van and I godda put Blondie back together?"

"Because _I didn't blow him up!_" screamed Anne.

"Point taken…" Numair sighed and pulled out a mop. Scrubbing the floor, Numair yelped and jumped back. "Ah! I saw his pubic bone!"

Anne rolled her eyes. " Go get Mary Sue and her 'Elven Powers' to put him back together."

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! I already had to write it! Don't make me _see_ it!"

"Haha!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*****~~~*__*!!

"Mary Sue…? Poor child who-got-his-soul-taken-by-hussy-Mary-Sue Dilandau?" Numair whimpered, tapping on their door hesitantly.

Nothing~~~~~~~~

"I Don' wanna go in there…" wailed Numair flailing Numair's arms about in a Numair-fashion. "Annie's gonna wrid'it and make it really bad…!"

**[Anne:**_ Who says I'm writing any of this crap?_]

"Thanks, you're a true pal…" muttered Numair bitterly. Numair gulped and decided that the best course of action would be to open the door. Happily, Numair had not eaten lunch yet.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Anne looked up and smiled, "I think Numair found Mary Sue."

The other characters looked blankly at Anne who had appeared in their story without any mention in the plot, however, they realized, it was a Mary Sue fic. 

Numair came bolting into the room and opened the silverware drawer.

"What are you doing?" asked Anne flatly as Numair held forth a fork, aiming for the eye.

"SCARRED!!!! MUST…. POKE… OUT… EYES!!!!" Numair shrieked, trying to hold back it's arm.

"NO!" Anne said firmly, grabbing Numair's arm and taking the fork away. "It can't be _that_ bad!"

"Go look yourself!" sniffed Numair who then fell to the ground and muttered strange words incoherently. 

Meanwhile, the other characters simply sat there. Why, cause they have no purpose at the moment.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"

Anne came running into the room, running into the doorframe in the process, holding back the bile rising in her throat.

"WHY DID YOU MAKE ME SEE THAT!?!?! MUST TAKE OUT EYES!" shrieked Anne, grabbing the fork which Numair had previously tried to take its eyes out with. Numair sat on the ground, still muttering. 

POOF

The authors got themselves out of the story since they have the power to do so. Ha. Nothing is typed for the next thirty minutes since the authors are busy vomiting and calling a shrink for help.

Hghghghgh banana cream pudding! Van knows! The purple elephant loves the goat-cheese is good. Smelly fun!

"The moon skills not my fun!" reaped the funny elf.

"Elf Cat is declared illegal! Book knows! You are okay! " purple haired stork says with tear drops of candy.

Van knows! VaN or VAN! The vv Van knows! Van knows! Van knows! Van knows! Van knows! The van takes up space! GET iT OuT! TrailOr trash pimP mobile! I smell PRETTY!!!!!!!!

Umm… apparently Numair is still suffering from the effects of that.. .don't worry, I knocked Numair out. Let's try this again….

"This feeling of love is so… so… happy," smiled Allen with his arrangement of flowers, all of them pretty and pink. They reminded him of his love, Mary Sue. He had not seen Mary Sue all day, and it was almost noon. Perhaps he should go visit her in her room….

[**Both: **_AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!_]

or maybe not. Mary Sue came walking around the corner holding hands with Dilandau.

"What is that thing doing here!?" gasped Allen, running forth and drawing his sword to protect Mary Sue.

"Allen! Don't!" cried Mary Sue, putting herself between her two loves. "Dilandau was being used by Zaibach! He is a truly nice person once you get to know him."

"Ugggh…." Groaned Van, walking into the room grabbing his head. "Last time I let the authors mess with me…"

What? It was all Allen…

"AHHH!! What is HE doing here!?" screamed Van, running behind Allen, using him as a shield. "What happened to Celena?"

"Oh, well, Zaibach separated us so now we are two different people completely. I am my own person now, although in my heart I feel as though I have lost something," frowned Dilandau, wiping the tears away from his cheeks.

"Hey! Then where the hell is my sister!?" pouted Allen, pointing his sword at Dilandau once more.

"I don't know. Around?" Dilandau shrugged, grabbing Mary Sue's hand once more.

"Allen, Van, I want you to be nice to Dilandau, he was being used."

"Yes, I have chosen to fight on your side to seek my revenge against Zaibach," sniffed Dilandau, looking at the ground in rembarence of all those horrible deeds which he had committed. Would his soul ever be free and… unhaunted again?

"Seemed pretty happy to destroy the world before to me…" Van muttered to himself.

"Now Van, Dilandau wants to help us…"

"He's a monster!" declared Millerna.

"I agree." Stated her husband, Dryden, since he's such a cool guy we decided to give Millerna to him 'cause he really does love her… and he didn't have a child with her sister…

"Dilandau is the reincarnation of SATAN!!!!" Van shouted, wings flapping furiously

"That's harsh." Dilandau pouted.

"Minna, I believe in Dilandau! Why can't you all trust me!?"

"We do trust you Mary Sue, my angel of the night sky, it's just that…Dilandau kinda stabbed me with his liquid claw; burned down my fort…"

"Destoryed Fanelia; tried to kill me on numerous occasions; tried to kill Hitomi…"

PING

"Where is Hitomi?" muttered Van, looking around.

"He pulled on my tail, set my hair on fire, set my homeland on fire, burned my dinner…" Merle sniffed. 

"He burned my books, destroyed my convoy, ate my mermaid.."

"He ran over us with his lawn mower," Guard E and F said flatly (hehee, get it?).

"He killed me with his liquid claw, made fun of my whole race, made fun of my body odor…" cried Zongi. 

"He smacked us around the whole series," wailed the Dragonslayers.

"He made fun of me because I'm old," sniffed Dornkirk.

"He bugged the hell out of me, and burned my homeland to the ground," grumbled Folken.

"Puu puu puu puu PUU!!" said Mokona.

"He attacked my country, used my make-up, and RAPED ME!" wailed Millerna, her knees giving out making her fall to the ground with a thud.

"WHAT?!" cried Dilandau, taken aback.

"Read fic number 137ABC9.2," Millerna stated proudly.

"Oh…That…That was an AU!"

"Same thing." She pouted.

"He didn't mean any of it! It was all Zaiboch's doing!" declared Mary Sue, standing in front of Dilandau, protecting him.

The others were stunned. How could Mary Sue be defending him so? Was he truly changed? Or was Mary Sue on crack again?

**[Numair:** (smack!) ANNIE! Look what you made me write!

**Anne:** It's true… (grumble)]

Van glared his "Van-king-of-kickass-Fanelia" look. "I'm still not convinced…"

SMACK!

"I mean…" Van started flatly, rolling his eyes, "Well Mary Sue, I don't know why, but if you truly believe him, I guess I do to. But it's only for you, remember that."

Dilandau stepped forward, extending his hand.

"Oh Van, for the sake of Mary Sue, let's be friends."

**[Both:** BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!! ]

Van hesitated, then, took Dilandau's hand. "I still want to kill you though."

"Me too Van, me too." Dilandau smiled demonically, tightening his grip. The two continued their stare-down, their hands turning blue.

Mary Sue sighed, "Boys will be Boys," she laughed.

Everyone laughed big hearty laughs in the setting sun.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~

"How are my plans going?" asked the mysteriously evil voice from atop his throne which looked into a blue crystal ball of doom. 

"They are going as expected, Emperor Bornkirk," stated Guard H, bowing down before the mighty Bornkirk. 

"I have sensed a wave of something new and threatening in my Plot Altering Device," coughed Bornkirk, his beard handing down to almost the floor.

"Well, you see, there was a pillar of light the other day.." started Guard I hesitantly, fearing his masters wrath.

"WHAT!? Why did you not inform me of this earlier!" screamed Bornkirk, reaching his bony hand out in a menaching fashion.

"We beg for forgiveness!!!" wailed Guard I, groveling. 

"Your work is getting sloppier and sloppier, I have no further need of you!" shouted Bornkirk who then pressed a button by his seat. The floor opened up and Guard I shot through, taking Guard H with him.

"I sense that the fate of Gaea is resting on the unknown source of the pillar. I must find it and make sure that it doesn't effect my plans," wheased Bornkirk, his frail form racked with coughs. "Just you wait you good guys you, I will have my revenge!!!!"

~*~*~~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~

WOW! We actually introduced the enemy! Aren't you impressed with the name? It gets better, trust us! Wbahahbahajahaha! 

Oh yes, we had been waiting to do that Van-Dilandau friendship (for the sake of Mary Sue) thing since the start *falls over laughing once more* So stupid!!!

Stay Tuned for the next ACTION PACKED chapter of Mary Sue: Peace and RestLessneSs 


	8. Peace and RestLessneSs

Weeeeeeee? Yeah! We have been watching Escaflowne again, fun-ness. We actually have also started our college classes (we are doing high school part time) thus time is evil, time goes fast, time means we must go back. O_o 

Disclaimer: Unmei Kaihen!!!!!!! Escaflowne is now ours!!! BEAT THAT!!!! (lawyers drag Anne and Numair away by hair)

~_~_~_~_~~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_O_o~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~~_~_~_~_~_~

Chapter 8: Peace and RestLessneSs

"Oh Mary Sue, my love, I am so happy that everyone has accepted me," grinned Dilandau, his arm around Mary Sue's slim waist, her big boobs bouncing as they walked.

Mary Sue looked at Dilandau with her topaz eyes shining, "Yes my beloeved."

Allen stood in the distance glaring at them. How DARE Dilandau move in on his woman, he loved Mary Sue! A small tear slipped down Allen's face at the thought of loosing yet another person he loved…..

"Hey! There are Allen!!!"

Allen turned around, wipping the tears which were now coursing down his face on his shirt. It was his beloved, his angel of the night sky!

"Mary Sue, I've been looking everywhere for you!" gushed Allen, glaring at Dilandau who stood behind her.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Dilandau and I were talking about my horrible tragic life-altering past!!" sniffed Mary Sue, her eyes reflecting nothing but **PAIN**.

"Yes, tis true, it is much worse than mine," cried Dilandau, his eyes also reflecting hurt towards his beloved.

"Really?!" exclaimed the disgruntled knight, "You never told ME about it!"

"Oh, well, you don't have as horrible of a past as I do, with my horrible tragic life-altering past!!" 

"My Dad leaving my family, my sister turning into a man, my Mom dieing.. you are right, you're pain is much worse than mine. But Mary Sue, you're pain is MY pain, we are one!" cried Allen, grabbing Mary Sue in a tight… love embrace.

"Well, you didn't (censor)… make love with her last night."

Allen's eyes widened as he comphrended what Dilandau had just said. 

[**Anne: **_Course, it took him a few days…._****

**Numair: **_(monotone) Leave him alone._]

Could his pure, virgin, wonderfully amazing girlfriend/soulmate truly have been soiled by that demon? No! He could not believe it!

"You rapist BASTARD!!!!" screamed Allen, grabbing his sword and lundging at thealbion. (no, IamnotdoingthatonpurposeNumair).

"Rapist? As I recall, 'Yes Dilandau, yes, oh yes (censor) _yes_!!!'" Dilandau pondered smugly.

"You lie! SHI-NE!!!" Allen lunged at Dilandau, sword raised. Dilandau side-stepped, drawing his own sword that the good-guys had let him keep for no reason other than he needs it for this scene. 

"No…" Mary Sue gasped as the two began to duke it out. Dilandau dodged nimbly, sweat forming on his brows which are located below his hair line. Panting slightly, Allen noted that his opponent stumbled slightly, his hair, place above the eyebrows, flickering down upon his red eyes. 

"I'm happy your such a good fight, Dilandau!" mocked the Knight, swinging once more with the sound of wind blowing through a field. Determation shone in his crystal blue eyes, his puffy sleeves pressed down against his arm from the jerking movements.

"You on the other hand suck," commented the albino, his red armor glimmering in the moonlgith. The two moved around like a couple of Mexican jumping beans, hope, determation, and all that guy-must-get-girl crap shining in their eyes.

"Please stop!!" shouted Mary Sue, tears flowing down her pale soft pluffy cream colored innocent cheek. 

"Mary Sue is my beloved! I can not believe you stole her from me!" shouted Allen, lunging at Dilandau, his blond hair rustling in the wind from the sudden movement of him leaping at Dilandau with hope and determation in his eyes which shone steadily. 

"She saw through my evilness and found the inner good within me! How can I let go of someone who changed my life!?" asked Dilandau, more tears flowing out of his red eyes. Allen stared, unimpressed. 

"PREPARE TO DIE!!!!!!!" 

The men leapt at each other, hoping to slit each others throats for the honor and PRIVELAGE of calling Mary Sue their own. The lunged at each other, hatred filled eyes never leaving each other.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Mary Sue cried, jumping in front of them to block them from hitting each other with their blades. However, both their swords plunged into Mary Sue like a pin cushion.

The world suddenly became silent, no one moved, no sound was heard. It was as though time had stopped, only the echoing of blood dripping on the floor could be heard.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~***~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~***~~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~

Meanwhile….

Van sat alone on the roof, since that seems to be his favorite place to think in all the fucking fics….

**[Numair: **_ANNE!!! Be nice!! *yanks keyboard away*_]

'Hmm…' Van pondered, 'Hm…. The meaning of life… that quilt looks really weird right there. Orange really does go with the paint color of the wall, however the flowers annoy me. They don't really look real. There are too many quilts in this place, bring the world revolution. Damn orgy movie…what is going on, orgies and pink cars. Like kiwis. I really hate it when mom tries to make me eat vegetables that I don't like. Broccoli, maybe, but peas. I am really happy that my new Escaflowne CD came in the mail this week, its really nice and pretty. Especially with that song 'Perfect World', although the lyrics make no sense. I wish there were more pictures of Van in it, he's really pretty. Oh yes, my book came that same day, it was nice. Why does the beast look like that, I mean, his jaw is just hanging open, staring at me over the computer screen. Some might think that it is plain creepy… stop staring at me!!!!! New Orphen dvd, his ass is so fine…or something, and he's sooo smart…. What the hell am I thinking?' he shrieked, clutching his head.

He looked up slowly, since time seems to freeze when something important is about to happen. A white feather suddenly floated down before him. He looked up to see…

Hitomi gently floated down to him, her white whings shimmering in the moonlight.

"Hitomi…" he gasped, taking her in his arms, "when did you…? How did you…?" 

"I don't know, I just have them!" Hitomi smiled, hugging Van tightly.

"But why?"

"There doesn't _need_ to be a reason Van." She said tightening her grip, "I just have them."

"But why?" Van stressed, pushinbg her away, "wings are _my_ medium."

"All the _other_ Hitomis get them! Why can't I?"

"Because that goes against the series, because Hitomi's supposed to be a human girl from the Mystic Moon and there is absolutely no connection between Ryuu-jins and Japanese people and…"

"Fine! My grandmother was fucked by a random Ryuu-jin on her visit here, are you happy!?"

"But then why wouldn't your mother have…"

"Urasai!" Hitmi hissed, pressing her lips to his. Van shrugged, decided it wasn't worth pursuing, and returned the kiss, deepening it into…

"Van!!!" Allen cried, dashing into the roof to interrupt yet another Van/Hitomi moment.

**[Both:** (on edge of chairs) Into?? Into?? Damnit!! Stupid Allen! YOU WILL PAY!!!]

"What is it?" growled Van as Hitomi pulled herself away. Allen looked at the two and winked, with a sudden understanding. 

"It's Mary Sue!!! Dilandau STABBED HER!!!" shouted the knight, mad.

"How horrible!" said Hitomi, although she never met Mary Sue in her life and the authors have made suffer because of.

"I knew we couldn't trust him!" yelled Van, grabbing his sword from the ground.

"Oh no! What has Allen _done_!! Mary Sue, oh please wake up! Pleas don't leave me!" our completely out-of-character albino sobbed as he cradled Mary Sue's pretty head, hands stroking her black hair.

"Dilandau!" cried Balgus, bursting into the room with the others, "Get away from her!!"

"No!! It's not what you think, believe me! You've got to help her!!"

"Trying to cover your sorry sex-changing ass again huh? Get away from her!" Ruhm declared.

Dilandau, sobs wraching his thin body, had no chice but to step away.

"Guards! Sieze him!" cried Red Hoof, pointing an accusing antler towards the albino.

"No…" whimpered Dilandau, backing away.

"No…(hack) it…wasn't his…(retch)…fault…" and then Mary Sue fell into the path to THE LAND OF THE DEAD!!!!

"Oh okay," everyone said, believing her with all their hearts, their love, their devotion, and shit, and Mary Sue was brought back off that horrible path, by the power of love dammit, once again leaving her horribly scarred. Poor thing.

"Yay!"

"Oh Dilandau," Allen chuckled, guyishly slapping him on the back, even though they are still at war over Mary Sue's heart, "We were wrong about you."

"Hell yeah, I am good now." 

Millerna, eyes blazing with PMS, marched over to the two "brothers" and slapped them both across the face. "What was this all about!?" she shouted at them.

"Mary Sue is my love!" declared Allen, "and he took her from me!"

"No! I love her most! I need her!"

"You're both so selfish!" Millerna berated them angrily, preparing to slap again.

"We're selfish!?" the men cried with sudden realization.

"First she declared her love for me," Allen began.

"And then immediately slept with me to sate her lust!" Dilandau finished.

Millerna's eyes flashed. "You two are cruel. You just don't understand a womans' heart! Bakas!"

"What!?" they both cried insulted.

"Princess," Dilandau replied calmly, "I think you know as well as I that if any guy out there understands a womans heart, it's _me_."

"She cheated on me!" Allen cried.

"You two…You're so insensitive to a womans feelings!"

"You are absolutely right Millerna, what were we thinking!?"

[**Anne:** Bitter much Numair?****

**Numair:** Rrrr…stupid trashy females…]

"Mary Sue, firgive us," the men said, kissing her, "Take your time to decide."

"Thank you guys."

Celena suddenly walkec into the room.

"Celena!" Allen gushed, "where have you been!"

"Crikey!" said Celena, looking the scene over, "Fosters, it's Australian for Beer."

[**Anne: **Get out of my friggin' way!!!!!!

**Numair: **Bring it on bitch! (moves hips in girly cheerleader fashion)]

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*

Mary Sue laid in bed, NAKED, remembering what had happened during the day. The room studdenly became colder, something evil was in the ari. Mary Sue looked around, one of the authors getting mad at the other for not looking what she was writing. Suddenly, the sound of glass breaking filled the air.

"Oh no, that's got to be someone from the Zaibach empire coming to get me!" Mary Sue said, propping herself up, not bothing to try to hide her naked form. 

A pair of blood-red eye suddenly appeared, followed by a sleek furry head and dripping fangs, a long horn protruding from its head.

"Who's there!?" cried Mary Sue, bravely taking some random judo stance to fight whatever had dared come for her. The creatures neck suddenly exploded as a large frill spead out and it shrieked, reaching out a fuzzy paw. 

"Ah, you must be a legendary ferrboozard! I've read of your kind!"

The creature hissed, its blue webbed feet slapping the ground warningly.

The ferrboozard was a terrible creature said to come from the lost country of Drazoobrref. Part ferret, part frill-necked lizard, and part blue-footed booby, the ferocious demon-creature lunged at her.

Using her instinctive martial art fighting techique, she dodged and struck the thing on the back of its fuzzy/scaly neck. It whirled and used its acid attack, blinding her and knocking her out. It laughed an ugly laugh, sounding amazingly like Stitch ã and gathered her into its fuzzy paws.

Then the ferrboozard, carrying away Mary Sue, vanished into the night.

~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*

"Nyao!" said Madeline, walking into the room. "Raaawr." 

Since she is a fat cat she enjoyed playing and looking cute. She fell onto the floor with a loud thud and proceeded to play with a ball of yarn. Dingleberries bounced as she leapt about the room, acting cute and cuddly. 

**[Numair: **Why the heck is your cat in our fic?

**Anne: **… cause is scratching at the door at the moment… O_o]

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Yeah, we added Anne's cat into the fanfic. Why? Cause she is so cute!!! Pain in the ass, but cute!!! (Numair is allergic to cats, Anne has five). Now for a serious moment…. We realize that we make fun of Allen a lot (a lot is an under-statement). So here you go people, the… 

Allen Apology Corner…. 

(music starts up: ooooooh…)

Honestly, we don't REALLY hate Allen it's just that…

Anne: He's a pansy?

Anne! It's just that well, we like Van better, and well, read the list…

1) He hogs attention from Van. The scene where Van was dying, bleeding from the inside because of the wounds Escaflowne has, it suddenly turns into a Allen's past crap moment, taking the attention away from him. Grr.

2) His chivalry is nice, but gets damn annoying.

3) His poofy sleeves.

4) That girly hair, we mean, bah! The only good time with his hair was that past with Balgus when he had it pulled back.

5) He looks like a friggin' moose in the opening credits.

6) Movie Allen was good, meaning he was worse.

7) He constantly puts the moves on Hitomi, Van's territory.

8) He takes attention away from Van.

9) He got Millerna when DRYDEN should have had her.

10) He knocked Millerna's sister up.

11) He took attention from Van.

12) Purple suit and poofy sleeves.

13) Too damn smug about his fighting skills.

Aside from that, he's a great character. Can handle situations, great voice actor, has that nice owl…. Has a weirdo for a sister, got to love that point. So here it is everyone, our big apology to Allen: 

Sorry

Okay, now that THAT is over with, stay tuned for the next ACTION PACKED chapter, "Moonlight Confessions."


	9. BOW DOWN YOU MORTAL SCUM!

Ehehe, yellow cars. Once Annie and I made fun of people with a yellow car, then realized that our cars windows were down, oops. We saw them later too, that was… Annie? (Anne stares at Indiana Jones Temple of Doom poster)…. Annie? (Numair waves hand in front of her face, no reaction)… oh shit….

Disclaimer: HAHAHAHAHAAAA! I have the disclaimer all to myself now!!! HAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA! Um…what do I do with it…?

~*~*~*~*~*~* This chapter is mine damn it ~*~**~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*

Meanwhile. Elsewhere in the palace, Van, Allen, Dilandau, the heat-wave guy, and Dryden had discovered the secret storage room of beer hidden behind the king's chambers. After endless days of living hard lives of Esca-boys, they decided they deserved a night of 'relaxing'.

Each hauling a keg behind him, the five ran into the woods where their new luxury guymelef awaited them. 

"Who's gonna drive?" inquired Dryden gazing at the incredibly expensive melef.

"It has an auto-pilot." Allen stated smugly.

"No man uses an auto-pilot!" declared Van proudly, thumping himself on his scrawny chest. The rest of the party noticed he must have already had a few sips of his keg, as his eyes were looking a little glazed. 

"What's the fine for giving alcohol to a minor?" asked Dilandau, ignoring the fact that he too was only fifteen.

"Aw, thish ish Gaea, the drinking age ish like what…." He waved his arms about as he tried to rememver how to count, "um…ten?"

"Actually it's sixteen." Allen sighed.

"Bah," Van said, drunkenly waving Allen away. "Pussy Austurian pricksh…Fanelia don't even have a drinking age!" 

"I think he's had enough for right now…" Dilandau muttered.

"We'll let heat-wave guy drive. Okay heat-wave guy?" Allen suggested.

Heat wave guy only looked up in bewilderment.

The luxury guymelef, built for carrying six people, (wow) had recently hit the market, and pretty much the only person who could affoird it was the king, but he'd never even notice it was gone.

"This isn't right," Allen had commented on their way out, "taking it without asking…we should leave a note."

"Aw, shove it up yer ash." Van cried, pushing Allen into the guymelef.

Lifting into the air, the melef soared off into the distance, away from all who might discover the men in mid-drunken stupor. Landing off in the middle of nowhere, the five settled into the leather seats and proceeded to get dead drunk.

"I got another one," Dryden hiccupped, "A b…blond walks into a bar and…and…jumps off a bridge. Will the blond or bru…bru…redhead land firsht?"

"I dunno…" Dilandau muttered, his head lolling back.

"The redhead…" Van muttered, falling out of his chair again, "because Allen had to shtop and ashk for dire…dir…the way…"

"Hey! You wanna fight withs me Vanni-chan?" Allen replied, reaching for his "sword". 

"I'm blonde!" piped Dilandau for no reason at all.

"No…no, you're an albino…or something…" 

"I dun get it…" and he puked on his "brother's" shiny boots again.

"That reminds me o Millerna, you know, that doctor chick…" Allen slurred, taking another swig.

"Oh yeah, the one with the guy and the 'wolf', you know? She got shot today…" Van clapped.

"Noooo," Allen whined, "not that one, the one who follows me everywhere."

"Oh, my wife!" exclaimed Dryden, proudly.

"She's great in the sack…" Dilandau smiled stupidly, thinking back to that unmentioned AU fic.

"Bashtard…" Dryden chucked his empty bottle, missed, and hit a completely spaced heat-wave guy in the head. He looked up. Bewildered.

"Yeah, but that's all their good for, you know…?" Allen obviously drunk off his arse, chirped.

"Noo…Hitomi's good for battles and…stuff…and she wears the cutest little shorts…" Van faded out a minute, off in his own mental image, then burst into a fit of giggles.

"Yeah…women…who needs em?" Dilandau laughed, taking another swig, missing his mouth entirely and pouring it onto the floor where Jajuka lapped it up.

"Obviously not you…you…hermaphro…sex-switching thing… But all Millerna's about is me me me…selfish biotch."

"Yeah…a guy gets his heart broken, and suddenly it's all our fault…" muttered Dryden, hands not quite working enough to grab another bottle.

"Yeah, and then we try to tell…tell them off easy and then it's…'oh but it's your baby…!" cried Allen, "That was a long time ago, but can they letsh it go? Noooo!"

"Shut up Allen, you at leasht get women…" Van pouted, then burst into sudden tears, and then laughed., then turned angry, "And then she getsh these wing things out a no where, and I'm likesh, ''scuse me, but when it comesh down to it, I getsh nothing in thish whole series, so let me keepsh my thing, you got those card thingsh', you know?"

"Here here!" cried Zongi, "I have a girl like that, Fungi."

""Ha ha, Zongi fucks fungus!" Chid laughed, "My girlsh' like that too, she'sh all like…" he then proceeded to smack the chair repeatedly.

"Thatsh my boy!" Allen cried, patting Chid on the back, though he ended up swatting him off the chair entirely.

"Shuddup ya friggin' moose," Van sniggered attempting to slap Allen across the face. 

[Numair ponders where the heck this is going]

"Yeah, you know…" Dilandau swaggered, sliding out of his seat to a pathetic heap on the floor. "Not all guys are sexual predators…"

Everyone stopped and glared at Allen. "You wanna shtart shomethin'?" he hiccupped. 

"Yeah…shome guys are ve-very sensitive…"Van swallowed the bile rising in his throat. 

"Those are called 'homosexuals'" Dryden stated intelligently (as intelligent as a wasted scholar gets).

Again, everyone stared at Allen. "Hehe…yeah……hey!"

I don't know where this is going… I'll just get to the meat of the action. The whole lot of men, beyond wasted at this point, but not yet passed out, somehow managed to collaborate that they needed to go home. So, ever so intelligently, they decided Van would drive. 

Can you see where I'm going with this?

Up, up and up rose the luxury melef, rising into the sky like a newborn star! And then down…down…very down…

"What'sh going on?" Allen giggled, being thrown across the spacious inside.

"_For the revolution_!!!!!" Van screamed, standing and saluting nothing.

Heat-wave guy stumbled and fell out of the melef, plummeting to the ground. Shaking off the fall, he looked up, bewildered, as the fireball melef crashed on top of him. 

"Poor goober…" Dilandau whispered, wiping a single tear away from his eye. 

"Hitooooomi I loooove you, I want to touch your…!" sang Van, falling out of his seat.

The luxury melef then burst into flames!!!!

"Run away!" Dryden cried, diving out of the melef. 

"He's got brains! Follow him!" Dilandau yelped, jumping out after Dryden.

"Come on Va-aaaan!" Allen shouted.

"No man is an island!" Van declared, grabbing the booze.

"Leave it Van! It's not worth your life!"

"I am nothing without it! Would you leave your labido?"

"Good point. But Van, you can always buy more! There will be another day!"

"Truly?"

"Yes Van. Come on, be strong! Think of Hitomi!!!"

"HITOMI!!!" Van cried, gaining newfound strength, he lifted the keg over his head and charged out of the flaming guymelef. 

"SANCTUARY!!!!" Van shrieked, holding the keg above his head, the fire behind him.

When the men had escaped the fireball melef, they found shelter in some random wood. 

"Now what?" Dryden pondered.

I'm wondering that myself, hang on…

Okay! I've got it!

"You have an idea?"

"We're done?"

"There _is_ a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?"

"Squishy banana?"

Nope! Now you all have to find your way back, dead drunk! I'm cutting the boundries! Go to it!

The men looked at each other in fear. Well, that was the least amount of help they could have ever asked for. Which is my plan…heheheh…

"Well," Van smiled stupidly, stroking the keg lovingly, "We can't carry this the whole way, and we can't just let it go to waste."

Within minutes, the keg was empty, and except for a pair of pants and a few piles of vomit, the men were nowhere to be seen. 

Sesshomaru walked through the shady glade, that poofy thing on his shoulder moving gently with the wind, the moonlight reflecting in his silver hair. His mind was elsewhere, drifting amongst crimson clouds of hate on a certain something. Or shall we say, a certain someone?

'Curse that hanyou…Please please kiss kiss, gimme strawberry kisses please. What the hell am I thinking? Curse you Numair!'

Eeheheheee…Just then, there was a rustling in the bushes beside the youkai. Could it be that brother of his and that little whore he hauled around with him everywhere? Making more little hanyou's were they? Sesshomaru stuck his aristocratic nose in the air and walked by with little concern, until…

"Halt citizen!"

The demon turned to see a blonde woman stand—

"Man!"

--man standing there holding out a rapier (at least in his own little world, it was really just a moss-covered stick). 

"A human," he said with little concern.

"Half-ryu-jin to you!" shouted a scrawny boy, jumping out of the bushes before the demon. He wore a traditional 'merry-men' hat (really one of his boots) with one of his own feathers sticking out of it.

"Fucking halfbreeds are multiplying…"

"You are crossing through our forest, demon-thing, and we demand a tax," Dryden, his robes turned brown with mud, stated. 

"Who are you pathetic creatures?"

"I am Van Hoonel! And this is my band of very-merry-drunk-men!"

"Arararara…I'm Little Schon!" declared the blond.

"Heheheee, little…little you-know-what!" everyone including the author laughed. Little Schon glared.

"I am Dil Scarlet!" cried an albino popping up out of nowhere, flamethrower under his arm.

"And I am Friar Dryden! Together we form…!"

dododododdoododooo!

_We're men, we're men in tights!_

_We roam around the forest looking for fights!_

_ We're men, men in tights_

_We rob from the rich and give to the poor_

_That's right!_

_We may look like sissies,_

_But don't get us wrong or else we'll put out your lights!_

Rippoff! Rippoff!

The four 'very-merry-drunk-men' linked arms and started doing the can-can.

_La, lalalalalaaalaalalalalalaaalaaalalalalalaalaalaalaalaaaaaaa!_

_Lalalalalalaalalaaaaaa!_

_We're men_

_Manly men!_

_We're men in tights,_

_Tight tights!_

_We rob from the rich and give to the poor_

_That's right!_

We may look like pansies… 

At this, they all shoved Allen, in his ugly poofy clothes, forward.

But don't get us wrong or else we'll put out your lights! 

BAM!

Dilandau punched Van square in the jaw and sent him flying into…a nearby lake!!!

Sesshomaru was not amused, and pulled out his kinki-light-saber-whip thing. 

"Run!" shouted Dryden as the fur began to fly. 

Allen was nearly spliced in half as the whip of DOOM passed through him.

"WHOOPA!" Sesshomaru stated, whipping the poor boys about mercilessly.

"Numair! Help!" Allen wailed as he was thrown over a tree.

Van dunked into the water again by some 'mysterious force and…huh? Oh shit…But…wet Van…so hot…

"Numair!" Dryden snapped as he dove into the ditch.

"Machi-nasai!" shouted a young voice. Everyone paused and looked up into a large full moon, where a slender silhouette stood, long odango hair blowing in the breeze.

"Inu ga tabetai desu! Ai no sensei, serashi bishoujo no senshi, Sailormoon!"

"Sailor Chibimoon!"

"Tuxedo Kamen!!"

"Tsuki ka watte, oshioki yo!"

"Oh no…" Sesshomaru groaned.

"Time to turn you back to what you once were! Remember Sessomaru! Moon Healing Escalation!"

"I remember…"wept Sesshomaru. All the evil fell away from him to reveal…!

"Well, isn't this cliché." Dilandau muttered.

"This coming from someone who just did this several chapters ago." Dryden replied wryly.

"Pre-menstrual syndrome. I wasn't myself."

"……"

You're ruining the moment! To reveal…Menchi!

Ex-Sesshomaru-now-turned-Menchi yelped and ran for his life as Excel and the sailor senshi, all hungry, gave chase.

"Sesshomaru-sama! Wait for me!" screeched that little ugly green thing that follows him everywhere, waving about his staff of Magius.

"Look what my Shalafi did!"

"AAAHH!!!"

"Hold it!" cried the 'mysterious cloaked person from nowhere'. "Numair, you're getting a little off subject."

You think so?

"Just a smidge."

What was I doing?

"Something about getting these drunk boys home, I presume?"

OH, right! So the three men and a very wet but cute Van began their trek home, though still too drunk, they started going in the wrong direction.

"Do we still get to rob from the rich?" Dilandau inquired, doggedly following the light of Allen's hair.

"I'm afraid not, my son." Dryden said sadly.

"Quit the friar act, dumbshit." Van snapped.

"Oooh, I think Vanni-chan is suffering from IMS!" Laughed Allen.

You don't even know what that is you fucking moose pansy!

"Sorry…"

"Let's ask that hooker on the side of the road!"

"Shut up Allen!"

"No, really!"

"That's a man!"

"Hahaha! Allen is queer!"

"No hookers! How about that mysterious cloaked figure standing beside the road?"

"Okay!"

The four men staggered over to the 'mysterious cloaked figure that came from no-where'. "Scuse me, could you tell us which way is Austuria?"

"Austuria?" inquired the shrouded figure, "That's a long ways off, young ones," he pulled back his hood to reveal long dark-brown hair in a ponytail and sapphire eyes. It was none other than…Seanteo!

**Anne:** WHAT?!?!?!?!!?!?!?

**Numair:** You're back!

**Anne:** WHAT THE HECK IS THAT THING DOING HERE!?!?!?

**Numair:** I got bored…

**Anne:** (reads story) WHAT THE HECK IS THIS!?!?!

**Numair:** (runs like hell across the street)

**Anne**: (cries)

A/N: T_T What have I done? I let Numair have free-reign on this story! (notices no one reading this). Sad-ness. I apologize for this chapter… although it's a Mary Sue so it doesn't have to make sense… wait, where the hell is Mary Sue?

**Numair: **What Mary Sue?

BARG!!! (smacks Numair upside head). What is with that Disclaimer?? Erm… Numair doesn't own any of the many references she made… other than Sean-crap…

**Numair: **Seanteo!!

Who cares. Ignore this horrid chapter (Numair: HEY! I tried!) and that's the sad part my friend…. And read next time, "Circus Fun! (shudders)"


	10. Forgotten Title

Recap: Our _brave_ hero Mary Sue had been kidnapped by the dreaded creature the Ferrboozard! Will Mary Sue survive in the Zaibach empire REBORN?! What exactly is Bornkirk's evil plan with the plot altering device!? Find out by _READING_!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Our voluptuous beauteous all-around-nice cunning heroine slowly blinked her copper eyes open to find herself in a dreary utterly horrid no good very bad cell. Clenching her fist in deteremination, scanning the cell to take in her surroundings, she formulated a plan of escape.

"Oh no, Dilandau and Allen will be so worried me," Mary Sue said in concern, however deteramination still shone bright in her eyes. "I must figure out what the rebirth of Zaibach is planning."

"I see you are awaken," said a very Disney's Stitch like voice from the shadowed corner. A small gasp of surprise escaped our _brave_ Mary Sue's lips as she glanced into the corner.

"Ah, it's, the legendary Ferrboozard (part ferret, part frill-necked lizard, part blue footed booby)," excaliemd our brilliantly intelligent Mary Sue.

"Yes," croaked the voice as the creature reached out a fuzzy paw to help himself up.

"Oh," Mary Sue replied simply as the ferrboozard waddled over. "Why did you kidnap me?" she inquired, magically dressed in a tunic with breeches by her _will alone_.

"I did not want to kidnap you," sighed/squeaked the ferrboozard, bursting into acid tears. "Boo hoo!"

"There there," comforted Mary Sue, patting the creature on the shoulder sympathetically. "But then why do it?"

"Bornkirk!" wailed the ferrboozard, attempting to wipe his face with its fuzzy paws however could not reach. Mary Sue reached into her bra and pulled out a tissue and dabbed away the creature's tears away from his face gently. (AN: Burning her hands, hahahaha).

"What's your name, O Legendary Ferrboozard?" Mary Sue asked softly…

[**Numair**: This is so stupid…. 

**Anne**: Shh, this is taking a lot of effort to make it this dumb!]

"My name is… is… Killer," sighed the mighty ferrboozard, looking up at Mary Sue fondly, his long horn glowed brighting in the darkness by some unknown light source.

"Tell me dear Killer, why do you have such a beautiful unicorn horn on your head?" asked Mary Sue, sitting down beside the fire. Killer looked down uncertainly until Mary Sue patted the ground beside her, offering the space ever-so-graciously to the creature.

"Because," started Killer hesitantly, sitting down besides our beautiful main character. "My people are special."

[**Anne**: And that was the final touch…  
**Numair**: To the masterpiece known as Ferrboozard.]

"Long ago," started Killer as the background faded to show the past, "in Atlantis, my people foresaw the danger the Will-Device-Thingy (it's PROPER name). We tried to warn the Atlanteans, but we were simple slaves, oppressed for who we werer. They did not listen. Long before the Atlanteans, my people lived in Drazoobrref, the capitol of Atlantis, in peace as scholars, political figures, teachers, magicians, lawyers and computer specialists. 

"However, the Atlanteans came and despite our networking capabilities we could not stand against their Will-Device-Thingy. We became their SLAVES!"

"How horrible!" gushed Mary Sue, tears of sympathy rolling down her cheeks, for Mary Sue also knew the pain of oppression and slavery.

"But despite all that, when the Thingy blew and Atlantis was destroyed, we carried the draconians to America, the land of the Free. However, when World War II began soon after the destruction of Atlantis…"

[**Anne**: Time Burp!]

"…my people were used as bombers and spies. You heard of Kamikaze? US!!!!!" wailed Killer.

"But what happened to all the Draconians you rescued? I thought they went to Gaea."

"Some did," Killer replied dismissingly, "but most went to America. There, they undoubtedly bred with the humans, leaving a score of winged children. However!" Killer proclaimed, raising his fuzzy paw, "All were killed by disease, famine, weak genetic structure and disco, all except one.

"You, Mary Sue."

[**Both**: (fall to ground laughing, gasping for breath)]

"How can that be?!" Mary Sue cried.

[**Anne**: By the sheer will of a Mary Sue fic, that's how]

"Long ago," started Killer as the background faded to show the past once again, "in Atlantis, my people foresaw the danger the Will-Device-Thingy……"

"I get it!" she snapped. Killer lowered his head in shame. "I am sorry Killer," Mary Sue sighed, patting its fuzzy head, "I'm just very frightened. We've got to get out of this tunnel!"

The anciebt Ferrboozard was slightly startled to find they were truly in a long tunnel. Apparently he was not used to the scene jumps as Mary Sue was. "But Mary Sue, I'm scared of what Bornkirk will do to me."

"Don't worry dear Killer," Mary Sue assured as they walked down the tunnel in Wizard of Oz fashion, "I'll always be with you."

"My fears have been chased away! Thank you Mary Sue."

The brave trio crept along the vent on their hands and knees, watching weasrly for any signs of the Bad Guys.

Mary Sue reached into her blouse and pulled out her magical necklace, which looked exactly like Hitomi's but was blue, thus very different.

"The necklace!" Killer exclaimed.

"I got it from my grandfather. Why?" 

"Was he a tall, handsome man with wings?"

"Why yes, why do you ask?" Mary Sue asked, batting her long, beautiful eyelashes.

"He was the great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandson of Eirav, the great emperor of the Draconians!"

[**Anne**: "Timeline" is not a word in Mary Sue's vocabulary.] 

"But Hitomi's pendant…!" began Mary Sue.

"That was on the East side of Atlantis. You see, they didn't really create Gaea, they made that dead rock moon. _Your_ pendant, Mary Sue, is the true power behind the Atlanteans! The West side pendant, Tnadnep!"

[**Both:** Doesn't that contradict everything in the series so perfectly…]

Yum! Mary Sue stared in amazement at her pendant, and then put it back. Thinking quickly, she pulled out her map she had drawn up on her last escape from Zaibach. 

"According to this, we go left." Stated Mary Sue.

Continueing straight ahead, the two hurried down the streets. Suddenly, out of the shadows, leapt two cat-women, attacking Killer and pinning him to the ground.

"What are you doing, Ferrboozard scum!?" Baria hissed in clichéd villain fashion.

"Helping the prisoner escape," Beria smirked.

"Killer!" Mary Sue cried, whirling about, drawing her magical sword and swinging it around warningly.

"Run Mary Sue! Forget about me!" Killer shouted.

"How could I ever forget my wonderful friend!" shouted Mary Sue, tears flowing from her crystal red eyes. 

"Mary Sue, you are truly a model person," stated Killer, the attack forgotten. The enemies nodded in agreement, slowly getting sucked into Mary Sue's evil influence…

[**Numair**: ANNE!  
**Anne**: What? It's true….]

Too late! Baria and Beria leapt upon Marie Sue, tearing her to pieces! BWAHAHAHA—er… (sigh) For some unknown reason, by the sheer power of Mary Sue's will we assume, she managed to talk the two evil-only-because-they-love-their-evil-master-who-shall-remain-anonymous-for-show wombat girls decided to be good little nekos…

[**Anne:** AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUHHHHHHGG!!!!]

…and show the two warriors of justice the way "out." Wink wink nudge nudge. 

"Baria, Beria, why are we retracing out steps?" inquired Killer, slightly concerned about the suddenly goodness of the evildoers. 

"This is the short cut," Baria lied. 

Mary Sue was not fooled! She knew it all along! It was a trap, however, perhaps they would lead her to the emperor so she could have a final showdown and end this fic…

But we're not that lucky.

The quartet slowly entered a drabby, dark, dank, deadly, down-right dooms-day-ish laboratory. Desks stood in neat rows, their pastel blue tops shining in the faint sunshine that shown through the big windows. Outside, trees and green grass flowed gently in the breeze. But that is outside, this is inside. Labs were in the back, their black surfaces glinting evilly in the neon lights. The faint stench of frog guts hung heavy in the air.

"You shall wait here for our master-who-shall-remain-anonymous-for-show to…show. Ha…hahahaha!" giggled the two kat-girls as they frolicked to their scratching post and began to mew happily.

"Come on Killer!" cried Mary Sue, brandishing her katana, because she is a ninja. "While they're distracted, let's run for it!"

"Um…" began the confused beastie, "didn't we come here by choice?"

"No Killer," Mary Sue rolled her eyes in exasperation, obviously beginning to get fed up with the ignorant Ferrboozard. "We were brought by_ force_. Remember, knives, guns, nukes…?"

Killer trtied to reach his head with his paw and sighed. Perhaps he was just getting two old to remember such importsant details. With a shrug, he followed Mary Sue, until…!

Syke! 

The authors, obviously amused with themselves, giggled and continued.

"I've been waiting for you…Mary Sue."

"Who's there!" Mary Sue cried, her armor creaking as she whirl around. Of course, we all know, she knows who it is but for you readers (rolls eyes) she's going to pretend she doesn't know, though she does know, so you will know. Har.

From the shadows emerged a tall shadow, towering almost as tall as Mary Sue's towering height.

[**Numair**: Mary Sue rule #13—Mary Sue shalt outdoeth all people in all things within possible creationeth.]

A metallic arm arm reached out, shining in the faint lamplight of evil. The dark outline of feathery wings could be seen, stretching above his head in unholy glory. Can you say……..melodramatic?

"It can't be…!"

"It is," the shadow replied in a deep baritone. 

A sudden light burst forth from behind him—

[**Anne: **Budweiser sign.]

--illuminating the room and blinding all. Except Mary Sue, of course. She gazed at the figure with uh…dislike and utte knowing. Uber-shot!

"Folken," hissed Mary Sue, her ruby eyes narrowing further until they were burning ember slits within her perfect flesh.

"Noooo!" the figure stamped his foot as the lights came on. Mary Sue blinked.

"No no no!" he cried in a hissy-fit, his voice whining and high-pitched, "It was always Folken, never Bolken! All dad wou;d ever talk about was Folken Folken Folken Van and our numerous long-lost sisters! Never Me! Never Bolken!"

Mary Sue could only stare, completely surprised, stumped, and down-right bewildered.

[**Both**: WE DID IT! (high fives)]

But she quickly regained her composure. "Who the hell are you!?"

"See!" wailed the guy she…assumed was Bolken. "No one ever knew about me! About poor forgotten Bolken! Boo hoo!"

"………" said Mary Sue.

"I'm the older twin and yet no one ever thinks about me. Didn't you know, yes, two of us, one plus one, TWINS! But no!" the figure wailed, stomping his foot once more. "Folken Folken Folken! I'm the eleder! _I_ should be king!"

"Isn't Van king?" Killer whispered to Mary Sue.

"NO! ME!" pissed and moaned the figure. Finally, the authors got sick of his complaining and forced him into the light…

Killer could see why everyone forgot (or tried to) about Bolken. The man was a freak. And, being this is Gaea, and not earth, there had yet been equality among the love life…

[**Both**: No insults intended… remember, Killer is a simple creature…]

He was certainly Folken's twin. The same face, the same body, the same lanky sexy hot form. However, where Folken made it dashing and broody, Bolken mangaled it into this twisted funny to look at form. 

Hot pink magenta wings sprouted forth from his back, moulting like his brothers. His hair was a ripe shade of strawberry, with banana streaks in random spots. The man was quite fruity. His arms were no more. Instead, two gold mechnical arms were attached to his body. On his face, a intricate Celtic knot was tattooed on his cheek in green. His pants were orange with Hawaiian flower print. His cape with pastel purple with hot yellow stripes.

"The man's gay…" whispered the simple minded Killer.

"Killer," Marry Sue exclaimed. "time out for you! That was a mean thing to say now! Go sit in the corner!"

Killer sniffed and waddled off.

Mary Doo focused her eyes with the yellow eyes of Bolken.

They looked at each other.

It was very interesting.

"I've had a hard life," Bolken finally wept, flailing his arms about dramatically.

"You're a sorceror then?" Mary Sue said flatly, disliking Bolken.

"No, a magician," sighed Bolken rolling his yellow eyes. "Gosh!"

It all comes to a stop. There is really no more point to this scene…. Oh yeah!

"I was the forgotten twin," Bolken began, wiping away a tear from his pale cheek. "Many years ago I went to slay a dragon to prove I could go to the distance. (hehe, rip off) However, when I sliced through the dragons head it bit off BOTH my arms AT ONCE!"

"HERM!" Mary Said cleared her throat, her eyes narrowed once more. "That's fine and dandy but I am sure my horrible tragic life-altering past is much worse."

"I'm sorry, I forgot," Bolken rolled his eyes. Yes, Bolken, sent by us (obviously), doesn't like Mary Sue either.

Okay, now for the plot movement….

The group, minus Bolken and the platapus sisters since we want to use them later (let's hope not), made their way towards a large throne encased in DARKNESS!

"Ahh, I sense much fear in you, young Mary Sue…" a voice wafted from atop the throne with was by the Plot-Altering Device, still for now. (DUN). 

"Bornkirk!" hissed Mary Sue, sitting down on the coach.

"Killer, you fool, you led her right to me!" Bornkirk laughted evilly, drool running down his old-man chin.

Mary Sue's eyes widened as she turned to Killer. "Is that true?"

"No, I didn't! I swear upon my fuzzy paws!" squeaked Killer.

"I will now reveal my plan since all bad guys do that. However," he underscored. "Only to a certain point since I must save it until the last minute before you die so you can figure out how to stop me. Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah," grinned Mary Sue, too smart for him.

[**Anne:** We haven't insulted this in awhile…  
**Numair: **One, it does itself; Two, it's just too easy]

"My donor, Dornkirk, had a mighty vision in which the destiny of mankind would be altered to make that perfect society. While his basic principles were important, I have discovered there is something much more important…"

"What is it?" Mary Sue asked for the sake of the readers.

"The Plot. Many stories lack it… most of all MaboroshiTsuki (Anne) and Ironi Numair… especially under this account…"

[**Both:** HEY!]

"Now, I have created this, masterpiece," Bornkirk said raising his eyebrows. "To alter the fate of this story… or, should I say more scienceticially, the Plot. My theory is once the machine is set into motion this horrible thing called 'Mary Sue Saves Gaea With Her Pinky' will actually experience what some call 'A Plot'."

"YOU MONSTER!" screamed Mary Sue, pulling out… something.

"AM I now!?" chuckled Bornkirk. "Back in my day evil was defined as people who had a bad purpose. When I was younger I had to walk ten miles to school in the snow, both ways, uphill, in ten feet of snow!"

"…"

"Killer," Bornkirk snarled, getting back on 'topic'. "I shall teach you what your disobiendence has caused…!"

With a widening of his pale eyes Bornkirk shot a lazy beam at Mary Sue who gasped and got hit, getting hurt. Poor baby.

"BORNKIRK!" sneezed/snarled/snotted Killer. "Watashi no atarashi shinyuu ni kizu wo shimashita. Sore wa… sore wa… zentai ni yuresanai! Inochi wo Mary Sue no tame ni…!"

[**Anne:** HAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
**Numair:** Cute Annie.]

Unfurling his frilly neck and raising his fuzzy paws, he summoned the pure might and power of the Ferrboozard! Stamping his blue flappy feet, he pranced about in a circle, warbling and…warbling. Tracing intricate symbols into the sands, the symbols of the Ferrboozard gods began to shimmer and glow, and Killer, embowed with this holy power, eyes shining with LOVE for Mary Sue, warbled aloud and raised his head to Bornkirk and…

_Hock—Ptooi! _

The acid arced a good foot into the air and then trailed to the floor, burning a hole into the sands. Bornkirk, stifling a giggled, he pointed a middle finger at the pooped Ferrboozard. Killer smashed into the wall and exploded on impact. Thus was the end of the last might Ferrboozard.

[**Numair**: Damn, what a pity. (snicker)]

"NOOOOOOoooooooooOOOOOOOooooooOOOOOooooo!!" wailed Mary Sue, magically restored by her will (tricky thing, isn't it) in time to see Killer brains sliding off the wall. "How could you…! You.. you… you…. You… killed Killer!"

Bornkirk snickered, gaining a few bonus points with the authors.

Mary Sue closed her eyes, calling upon her decendants to give her the strength to awaken her holy angelic dragon power of the elves. Clenching her hands in prayer, Mary Sue's hair slowly turned silver. Opening her eyes, hard with anger and frusteration and … anger, her golden eyes stared coldly at Bornkirk.

"You'll pay for your sins…!" growled Mary Sue putting her fists together as energy formed in her hands. Once the ball of energy reached a basketball size she unleashed the rainbow colored power of the GODS and shot it at Bornkirk, knocking the old man from his throne.

"Hack!" Bornkirk exclaimed, dusting himself off looking at the limp form of Mary sue on the floor. Because of all the energy Mary Sue had used she had passed out, changing back to her normal not Sailor Mary Sue form.

Climbing back onto his throne Bornkrik smirked at the form of Mary Sue. "We could use her…" he mused, a wickedly evil grin cracking across his wrinkled face. "Bildandau, take her to the Bragonslayers abode…!"

BA-DAM!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*

31/3/03: Yay! Another chapter of Mary Sue! We're sure that many of you were wondering what happened to the account you all loved to hate! :) Alas, we have been busy with our college and high school classes, and now the hell begins again. ("NOOOoooooOoooooOooo").  
We figured that you might have a few question (if anyone reads this… or for that matter reviews it! Hint hint). Here we hope to answer a few of your non-asked questions…

What is with the chapter titles?:   
We don't know… whatever doesn't match the chapter…  
What is with all the 'B' names?  
As Annie put it, "It's plan 'B'"  
You guys are so stupid. What is the point of this?  
You think this is bad, go read a real Mary Sue (NUMAIR!). I'm not kidding! This is our protest! (Anne punches Numair and starts writing). The point is to be funny and see if anyone catches all the mistakes we put in here on purpose. Also, if you guys don't get that then you obviously lack a sense of humor (two cynical girls here, hehe)  
Learn how to spell morons!  
I don't know about Annie but I can… (Anne points warning finger) I mean, we can and on our other fics and own do spell check however on this we just let it go and type fast with no purpose (also, making a point against those who don't check their spelling).   
You guys are so mean with all your points!  
Hey, we're 18 and 17 years old… it's our point in life. 

Well, we had fun. :) Under the Mullet-Revolution bio there is a picture for our website link (at the moment) of what the mighty Ferrboozard looks like. Feel fear. (warbles) See you next chapter called, "The mighty stapler."

Disclaimer: We do not own Escaflowne or any of the various things we reference to. We have no money and probably no humor, although we find ourselves quite witty. 


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